Truthful Tuesday #2
Bill uploaded all of the wedding pictures to Dropbox today. Here are just a few of the wedding pictures I really liked and that I was in. One of my favorites is the last one, the one of Laura, me, and Bill. And hello cleavage in the picture of me and Pete!
I wasn’t looking forward to dress shopping for this wedding since I had gained a lot of weight back. I remember hating the way I looked in the pictures from my brother’s wedding back in July 2006 and I was 25 pounds lighter then than I am now. I wasn’t super pumped about seeing the pictures today.
Here is the reason I have these photos posted for Truthful Tuesday. I am not cringing when I look at these. I dug out the pictures from my brother’s wedding and I look so much better than I did then, which doesn’t make sense since I am heavier.
I have been looking at these pictures all day. I keep looking at them. And I actually said to myself that I looked pretty damn good in them. Let me say that again, I actually told myself that I looked pretty damn good. Even in the one where I am looking back and you can see my whole figure. When I am standing next to Laura, I don’t look like her huge fat friend (which is how I felt).
It is hard to really put into words what this feels like. I know I have a long way to go with my depression and my weight and my self image. This right here? Me looking at pictures and not immediately seeing all my flaws, thinking that I look good, this is HUGE. And I am damn near tears writing this because this gives me hope that things will get better. There is a light at the end of this depressing, godforsaken tunnel and that is what matters.